Tell me if this sounds familiar.

A close friend you used to hang out with all the time suddenly grows distant.

A partner who once adored you now seemingly wants nothing to do with you.

A frequent collaborator you used to see all the time barely reaches out anymore.

We’ve all had this happen. One day, you wake up and wonder, How did this happen? Where did that relationship go?

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that our society is experiencing what has been called an epidemic of loneliness. Now, more than ever, our close relationships aren’t just important—they’re essential.

Which begs the question: What keeps a relationship from slowly falling apart?

The answer involves connection. Regular, loving, honest, straightforward connection.

Keep reading for an amazing tool I recommend that will help you to do just that.

Introducing the TEAM method

I first learned about this approach from author and entrepreneur Codie Sanchez. Codie recommended it in the context of romantic relationships, but I believe it can work well in other close relationships, too.

Here’s how it works.

Set aside 15 minutes on a routine basis—maybe daily for a partner or monthly for a friend—to take the following steps:

Touch

Start with a consensual physical connection, like a warm hug or holding hands. Safe, non-sexual forms of touch cause your brain to release what’s known as “the bonding hormone,” oxytocin. It makes both of you feel better and closer.

Education

Next, share something you’ve learned recently.

It could be a fun fact, like, “Did you know that lizards can ‘drop their tails’ as a way to escape from predators?” (It’s true!)

Or it might be something more serious, such as difficult news you received from a friend or relative.

Let them know what interests you or what’s occupying your thoughts lately. And get curious about what’s on their mind, too. After all, curiosity is one of the most powerful traits of a healthy relationship.

Appreciation

If you’ve read my book Think Like a Monk, you know how important gratitude is for your mental and physical health. It’s one of the most powerful things you can share with another person.

Take a moment to share your gratitude for them. It will immediately bring you closer.

And finally … 

Metrics

This is where you share feedback on how things are going. By building up to this step, you’ve created a receptive environment for both of you, making the process of giving and receiving feedback feel safe and comfortable.

By checking in like this on a regular basis, there won’t be any surprises. You’ll know exactly where each other is at, and you can handle challenges before they escalate into anything bigger.

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
Host of the On Purpose Podcast
Creator of the Jay Shetty Certification School