What Hollywood gets wrong about love

How the media has distorted our perception of romantic relationships

Author

Jay Shetty
February 13, 2025

“I’m still waiting for my perfect partner to come along. How will I know they’re the right one for me?”

It’s never too late to find true love, but it might not ever look the way it does on the big screen.

Back in 2014, when I still lived in London, I staged a proposal worthy of a Disney movie to my then-girlfriend, Radhi—a story I recount in my book 8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go.

I asked her to meet me near London Bridge dressed for a nice dinner. As we passed the perfect view of the city, a man seemingly popped out of nowhere with a giant bouquet, followed by an acapella group singing Marry You by Bruno Mars.

I got down on one knee and presented her with a diamond ring, and then a vegan meal was delivered to us on that spot. As we wrapped our dinner, a white horse-drawn carriage arrived to whisk us away.

Pretty romantic, right?

Only… diamonds aren’t her favorite gemstone.

And… while pretty, the spot I picked wasn’t particularly meaningful to either of us.

The food was cold and bland.

Oh, and also, she’s allergic to horses, so by the time we got home, she was covered in hives.

Yikes. At least she said yes!

Here’s what went wrong: I let my preconceived notion of what a spectacular engagement looked like get in the way of what Radhi actually liked. What I did sounded romantic, but in reality, it was anything but. It had more to do with the movies I’d seen than the person I love.

All of us carry these little biases about love with us. Some of them we’re not even aware of. Today, I want to lead you through an exercise to find yours, so you don’t make the same kinds of mistakes I did.

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Discovering your romantic misconceptions

“Once there was a princess… and she fell in love… it was very easy. Anyone could see that the prince was charming. The only one for me… Someday my prince will come… And away to his castle we’ll go, to be happy forever, I know.”

Thus begins the legendary song from Walt Disney’s classic, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In case you need a reminder, Snow White is a young orphaned princess who lives with her stepmother, a jealous queen terrified that Snow White will surpass her in beauty. I won’t spoil ALL the details in case you want a rewatch, but the gist is, she’s waiting for a handsome young prince to sweep her off her feet and take care of her for the rest of her life. And… well, let’s just say it ends happily.

How many movies, TV shows, books and songs taught you to think of love just like that—a scenario where love is presented as this perfect, magical thing we know about in one instant, and courtship and pain and logistics aren’t really mentioned at all? Instead, it’s all about kissing Spiderman upside-down in the rain.

Try this: Take out a notebook, or open your device to a blank document, and make a list of movies and songs that influenced how you feel about love. Next to each entry, write a bit about what you took away from them.

For example:

  • Cinderella taught me that true beauty always wins

  • At Last by Etta James taught me that one day, my lonely days will be over forever

Have fun with it!

When you’re done with your list, look at those lessons you learned and dig a little deeper. Do you still believe them, even a little? Have you achieved those feelings or realizations in your real-life relationships? 

You may discover that you’re subconsciously judging your romantic relationships against standards that are often made up.

Real love looks a lot different, hives and all.

#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
Host of the On Purpose Podcast
Creator of the Jay Shetty Certification School

Community Challenge

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I want you to spend some time reflecting on a truly loving relationship in your life. What’s an aspect of that relationship you don’t see in the movies? Reply to this email and tell me what Hollywood misses about how love shows up in your life. I cannot wait to read what you wrote.

Last week, I asked you to tell me about how perfectionism has held you back, and I challenged you to employ the 70% rule and confront it. The responses I got were incredible. I’ve read each one, and I am inspired by the choices you all are making to put yourselves forward. A lot of you vowed to simply get going—whether writing, building a website, practicing an instrument or even making a quilt.

Reader Lynda explained that, “Perfectionism is a really hard thing to overcome in quilting because it is very evident when the points in your quilt block don’t meet correctly. However, I prefer to follow the advice of a quilter I adore, Angela Walters, who says, ‘A finished quilt is better than a perfect quilt.’” Great advice, Lynda. Thanks for sharing.

Many readers told me about how they’ve already made so much progress but have been blocked from sharing it. Reader Philippa is doing something absolutely inspiring—starting an entertainment PR agency in Ghana. Philippa writes, “As a strategy to position myself as a thought leader in the space, I’ve been thinking about sharing more of my thoughts and opinions on entertainment marketing and PR for African brands and talents via my blog and on LinkedIn. I’ve written a lot, but I haven’t found the courage to share them. I’m going to share them now, no matter what. I’m afraid of putting myself out there and letting people know what I do, but I’m going to get it done 70% by posting those blogs and written articles.” Way to go, Philippa. Let your voice be heard.

And a few readers expressed feeling blocked from very big, beautiful callings—things that may even be their purpose. Reader Tasha is a Marine veteran living on a base who is ready for the next big step in life. Tasha writes, “I've decided to go back to school for social work. I don't know what exactly which avenue in social work I'll pursue, but I hope that through my involvement with a nonprofit for foster youth, a homeless shelter downtown and a local pastor who is doing extraordinary things for his community, I will gain insight while I try to educate myself on how to better serve that community. So my first step? I have an appointment with an education counselor on base to help me find resources to fund my education as a military spouse. I'm going to ask for help and, in turn, hope to help others on the way in this new career path. Honestly, it's like a new life goal!” Absolutely inspiring, Tasha. Thank you for your service, in all ways.

As always, I am so grateful for each and every one of you who responded (and those who didn’t). Keep going. You’ve got this.

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