How do I cope with feeling lonely?
If you type the words, “Will I ever…” into Google, the first result is almost always the same: Will I ever find love?
Behind that question is one of our deepest fears: being alone.
We usually learn the fear of being alone early.
The kid who played alone on the playground was labeled a “loner”.
If the “cool kids” didn’t show up to your birthday party, you were considered “unpopular”.
Even as adults, showing up to a wedding without a date can make you feel like a failure.
The truth is: We’re scared of being alone, so we avoid it.
Philosopher Paul Tillich once pointed out that in the English language, we have two words for being alone–loneliness and solitude–but we frequently use the word loneliness.
Why?
The difference between "loneliness" and “solitude” isn’t the situation…it’s the lens.
One represents pain, and one represents power.
For thousands of years, monks, sages, and wisdom keepers have spoken about the value of stillness and silence–not as punishment, but as a practice.
Yet today, many of us have a hard time sitting quietly with our own thoughts.
That’s because being alone with yourself can feel confronting.
It brings up questions you’ve postponed.
Feelings you’ve muted.
Priorities you’ve slowly pushed aside.
But solitude, when chosen intentionally, becomes a teacher.
So instead of asking, “How do I avoid loneliness?”
Try asking yourself, “How do I build a healthier relationship with being alone?”
Loneliness shrinks when you stop running from yourself.
Solitude grows when you learn to listen.
And sometimes, the connection you’re searching for on the outside begins by staying present with yourself on the inside.
When you feel lonely, what do you usually do?
On Purpose
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Today’s Wiser Choice
I want you to spend a few minutes today without your phone, laptop, or any other distraction.
Notice what rises–what questions, feelings, and sensations come up for you–when you’re alone with yourself.
Feel the discomfort, and sit with your thoughts. Spending even a few minutes alone without any distractions will teach you, over time, that being alone is an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
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