“Jay, I’m struggling with speaking up. How do I get better at it?”
I recently chatted with someone who told me that they often leave conversations wishing they had said something different – what they really meant, not what actually came out.
They knew how they felt, they knew what point they wanted to make, but in the moment, they froze.
Later, when they were driving home, the words suddenly came together with the clarity they were searching for in the moment.
I've been there, too. It's frustrating. I’ve ruminated, repeated the "better version" over and over again in my head, and spent hours at night thinking of how I could have approached the conversation differently.
This happens to more people than you might realize.
Most of us were never taught how to express ourselves with confidence.
We learned how to be agreeable, how to keep the peace, how to avoid saying something that might upset someone else.
Over time, these habits become automatic, and when it’s your turn to speak your mind, you hesitate.
This is what I want to share with you: confidence in conversation doesn’t begin with finding the perfect words or sounding perfectly eloquent.
It begins with clarity about how you actually feel.
Here’s what I want you to do…
Before your next important conversation:
Take a few minutes to write down what matters most to you in that situation. (Learn more in “Today’s Wiser Choice” section below!) Don’t focus on clever phrasing. Just write down the honest points you want to express.
Slow the pace of the conversation. A lot of people believe they have to respond immediately when, really, a thoughtful pause often leads to a better response. Taking a breath gives your mind the space it needs to catch up with your intention.
With practice, you stop searching for the perfect line and start trusting the truth of what you want to say.
The goal in a conversation is not flawless communication. It is genuine expression. When your words reflect what you actually feel, people sense the difference.
In time, those small moments of honesty build confidence, and the voice you once struggled to find begins to feel more natural.
How confident do you feel expressing what you really think?
Today’s Wiser Choice
Try This: Before your next important conversation, pause for a few minutes, grab a piece of paper, and write down 3 simple lines:
1. What I’m feeling. Be honest, even if the feeling is uncomfortable.
2. What matters to me in this situation. This helps you stay grounded in your intention.
3. What I want to say. Write it simply. Don’t worry about sounding perfect.
Now, read it back slowly. When the conversation takes place, remember you don’t need to rush your response. Take a breath, pause if needed, and let the clarity you created guide your words.
