Going through a breakup is a form of grief.
Heartbreak can feel disorienting because you’re not just letting go of someone.
You’re letting go of a story.
You’re experiencing grief for the future you imagined and the life you thought you were building together.
If you’re navigating a breakup, below are 7 steps to help you make peace with heartbreak.
Step #1: Let go of the fantasy you created.
Stop idolizing a version of the relationship that never truly existed.
We tend to create fantasies about the person we were in a relationship with and look back on the past with rose-tinted glasses. This is called rosy retrospection… when we remember the past better than it actually was.
Focus on the facts of the relationship, not the fantasy.
Step #2: Stop the obsession spiral.
Repeating the same thoughts over and over again is a healthy way to process a situation. It can be beneficial at the beginning of a breakup, but eventually, that loop will keep you stuck.
At some point, you need to interrupt that cycle.
Block, mute, delete. Do whatever you have to do to focus on your peace and not the past.
Step #3: Change the narrative.
Stop blaming yourself for everything.
When we don’t have closure, our minds fill in the blanks with the worst case scenario. It’s called negativity bias.
Here is what I want you to say to yourself:
“I can take responsibility without taking all of the blame.”
Obsessing over all of the times you did something wrong is not helping you heal. It’s keeping you stuck.
You deserve to give yourself more grace.
Step #4: Find closure on your own terms.
If you didn’t get closure at the end of your relationship, you can still find closure on your own by creating a closure ritual that tells your nervous system, “This chapter ends here.”
Learn more about creating a closure ritual in “Today’s Wiser Choice” below!
Step #5: Feeling pain doesn't mean it was meant to be.
Pain isn’t proof that the relationship was right. It’s proof that you’re capable of love.
The hurt you feel doesn’t mean they were your soulmate. It means you opened up your heart.
Step #6: Redirect your energy.
Heartbreak gives you access to a new source of energy. Use it, channel it, move with it.
Start a new routine, take a class, start lifting weights, redesign your space.
Direct your newfound energy into something meaningful to you.
Step #7: Stop waiting to feel ready.
Heartbreak is not just about getting over someone. It is also an invitation to rebuild yourself.
Focus on the next version of who you want to be, and start making choices from there.
If you’re going through a breakup, I empathize with you.
It is not an easy journey to navigate, but I’m supporting you through it.
I hope these steps show you that moving forward is possible and that they offer you clarity, comfort, and the courage to keep moving forward.
How often are you completing the exercises in the “Today’s Wiser Choice” section of this newsletter?
Today’s Wiser Choice
Looking to create a closure ritual? Try one (or all) of the exercises below:
Write a letter to your ex without sending it.
Delete the text messages from your ex.
Take down the photos of you and your ex.
The key here is to do something that helps you turn the page to your next chapter.
