Radhi and I used to walk away from the same argument feeling like we'd had two different fights.

I wanted to talk things through immediately. Get to the bottom of the problem. Radhi needed space. She wanted time to be alone and process the situation. In the end, we weren't fighting about the issue anymore. We were fighting about how to fight.

It took me a while to realize that just like love languages, there are also fighting styles.

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Venting
As a venter, you want to say what you're feeling, know what the other person is thinking, and resolve the problem immediately. Sitting with unresolved conflict feels hard.

Hiding
As a hider, you go quiet. You need space to think, to process, to figure out what you actually feel. Being pushed to talk before you're ready only shuts you down more.

Exploding
As an exploder, your emotions erupt quickly. There are often tears and things said in the heat of the moment that don't always move the conversation forward. If you fall into this category, it’s important to work on managing your emotions. This might involve seeking additional support or guidance if needed. Or you can make a plan with your partner during a time of peace, deciding that the next time you fight, you agree to take a time-out.

It’s important to understand what your own fighting style is and what your partner’s fighting style is. When you know, you can plan for how you'll show up when an argument arises. 

Think about how firefighters approach a scene. Every fire is different, every building is different, but they still show up with a plan on how they’re going to fight the flames. 

Your relationship deserves the same kind of planning. 

Every argument is different, every situation is different, but if you know each other's styles before the fire starts, you can face it with a plan rather than just reacting to the heat.

Which fighting style do you resonate with the most?

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Prompt: Can you help me create a communication plan tailored to both my fighting style and my partner’s, so we can navigate disagreements more effectively?

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