Want deeper friendships? Try this.

Plus, relationship expert Sadia Khan on what makes men and women truly commit

Author

Jay Shetty
May 29, 2025

“How do I develop genuine friendships that endure?”

The best way to form strong bonds that last is to show up.

Imagine this:

You’re sitting alone in the conference room at work. In moments, you'll deliver a presentation you've poured your heart into for weeks. Your friends and family know how meaningful this is to you. It's more than just a talk; it's your opportunity to share your passion and purpose.

Pause. How do you feel in this moment?

Now, imagine a different scenario.

Same big presentation. Same setting. Only this time, as you sit in the conference room, you get a string of encouraging texts from your friends and family.

  • “You’ve got this!”

  • “You’re gonna be amazing!”

  • “I believe in you!”

Which scenario feels better?

As we age, strong, reliable friendships become increasingly difficult to find. One of the most common questions I get concerns making genuine, long-lasting relationships.

Here’s my biggest piece of advice: show up.

Be there when your friends need you.

Encourage them when they’re down.

Listen when they speak.

Showing up for your friends means actively nurturing your connection with them. It means sharing their pains, as well as their successes. It means remembering their birthdays. It means checking in on them with a text. It means sending them a song that made you think of them.

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Investing Effort

There’s no one way to show up for your friends. How you do so depends on who they are and who you are.

That said, here’s a list of ideas to get you started. This is by no means exhaustive; it’s just a way to get you inspired. 

  • Keep track of the most important people in their life, and ask about them from time to time

  • Pay attention when they talk about things they want or wish for

  • Make plans with them, and be there on time

  • Don’t dismiss their interests, even if they aren’t super interesting to you

  • Support them in their goals

  • Be honest with them

  • Invite them to things, even if it’s something they don’t always say yes to

  • Celebrate their wins

  • If they’re struggling, check in with them regularly

  • If you upset them, apologize

  • Be vulnerable with them

Remember, showing up is about investing effort. The best gift you can give them is your time and attention.

The quantity of your close connections is not nearly as important as the quality.

If you have friends you really care about who aren’t showing up for you, be honest with them. And if they refuse to change, it may be time to move on.

In the end, it’s all about doing our best. That’s all we can do.

And if you’re seeking relationships that go a step further than friendship, check out the latest episode of my podcast (listen on Apple or Spotify) in which I spoke with the psychotherapist and relationship expert Sadia Khan. She explains why we’re drawn to emotional unavailability, what ghosting says about our communication struggles and why dating app rejection might not mean what you think.

We also explore the complexities of modern relationships, masculinity and emotional maturity. Sadia introduces the powerful concept of the "Three A’s" women seek in love (Attraction, Admiration and Adoration) and the "Three L’s" men need (Lust, Labor and Loyalty) as essential foundations for genuine commitment.

You deserve the joy that comes from a deep, lasting relationship, so I encourage you to listen today.

Community Challenge

Think of someone you care about. What’s something you can do to show up for them this week? Hit reply to this email right now and tell me what you’re going to do to show up for them. I can’t wait to read about it and share your answers.

Last week, I challenged you to tell me the most surprising thing you love about yourself. The responses I got were wonderful.

Reader Swati said, “I love connecting with random people while travelling. I enjoy listening to their stories and always learn something from them. In those moments, I'm completely an extrovert who mixes with people easily. I really love this about myself.” What a special gift you give to the people you meet on your travels! I’m certain they love to be listened to, and as you hear what they say, you become more empathetic. 

Reader Julia said, “One of the things that surprised me the most what I love about myself is that I always see the best and light in others and situations. It's so deeply rooted in my core that I really WANT to believe and support those best parts and the light to shine even more in humans.” This is absolutely beautiful, Julia. Seeing the light in others reminds us that we’re all human. We all deserve love, and we all deserve peace.

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