Wipe the dust off your identity

Plus, Dr. Daniel Amen on how to reframe negative thoughts with brain training

I want to tell you a metaphor my mentor, Gauranga Das, explained to me at the ashram while I was a monk in India. I wrote about this in my book Think Like a Monk, which you can listen to on Spotify.

We were in a storeroom filled with old boxes. The senior monk led me to a dust-covered mirror and asked, “What do you see?”

Well, I could barely see my reflection through all the dust, and said so.

Then he took his robe and wiped the dust away. It created a cloud that stung my eyes and throat.

He said, “Your identity is a mirror covered in dust. When you first look in the mirror, the truth of who you are and what your value is is obscured. Clearing it may not be pleasant, but only when the dust is gone can you see your true reflection.”

My mentor was giving me a practical demonstration of the teachings of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, a Bengali Hindu saint. Chaitanya taught that it is a mistake to look outward for meaning. Our purpose lies within. To find it, we must remove our “dust”: our conditioning, our desires, our fears and our roles. We must remove what is false. Only then shall we see our true nature.

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Wipe away the dust

In nearly all monastic traditions, removing as many distractions as possible is customary. That’s not some form of torture; it’s so that monks can find meaning in their lives. When I was in the ashram, we were celibate, sober, vegan and unplugged from mainstream society.

Before you freak out, I’m not saying you need to do all that to figure out your purpose (though it certainly helps). It’s pretty unrealistic to live such a restrictive lifestyle in everyday society.

That being said, there are things in your life you could live without—at least for a while—to give yourself space to find your purpose.

Try this: What are your distractions? What are the things you go to to avoid moments of stillness? Is it TikTok? Work? Plans that you make constantly? Write a list of at least five habits you have that get in the way of your ability to be present. To have a quiet mind. Call this list your Dust List.

Whenever you feel stuck or need direction, consult the Dust List. See how long you can go without these distractions. It won’t always be comfortable, but the perspective is always worth it.

And for those who find it challenging to cut through the noise of modern life, maybe there’s something deeper going on. For Monday’s podcast episode, I sat down with renowned psychiatrist and clinical neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Amen to talk about ADHD—what it really is, how it shows up and why so many people are misdiagnosed or overlooked. If you’ve ever questioned your ability to focus or felt like your brain just works differently, this conversation is for you.

I challenge you to go one week without the things on your dust list. Reply to this email right now with a list of things you’re going to try to do without (or limit) this week. It won’t be easy, but one week from now, I’d love to hear how much clarity you found. As always, I’ll share some of your responses.

Last week, I challenged you to find the meaning behind an old dream you shelved. The responses were inspiring and beautiful.

Reader Lisa wrote:

Enjoy every moment, Lisa. Let it be the first chapter in this new adventure. You’re not only traveling, you’re transforming. And I’m so excited for you.

And reader Ben shared the following:

That’s a valuable realization, Ben. We don’t have to change the whole system to make a difference. Sometimes, helping one person see themselves more clearly, feel less alone or move forward with courage is the greatest impact of all.