Hey there, friend.

While online dating has made it easier to meet new people, in many ways it’s made it harder to find love.

We are presented with endless choices. The moment you see something you don’t like, all you have to do is swipe to find your next option.

In theory, this sounds like an efficient way to get exactly what you’re looking for. In actuality, dating apps have transformed finding a relationship into a form of online shopping. The issue here is that people are not options or products that you can simply throw away whenever you feel dissatisfied or unsure.

This new kind of dating has created a brilliant way of constantly searching for that perfect someone, without ever needing to commit or make any real decision other than running away.

In order to fully understand the effect online dating has had on a generation of young people looking for love, I’d like you to imagine what dating was like for the vast majority of human history.

If you lived during a time when dating apps didn’t exist, this is how it might go:

You would most likely find love by proximity. When out in the world, you’d encounter potential love matches by chance. Maybe your friends and family would introduce you or even arrange for you to go on a date.

When opportunities for connection arose, you would take them without a second thought. You would be aware that love is something not to be squandered.

This isn’t to say you accepted anything without having standards. But you approached love with a certain thoughtfulness and gratitude. A special person appearing in your life was just that— special. Your options were not endless, and you knew this. You understood that a potential love is no ordinary thing.

In today’s dating world, we have forgotten that love isn’t something that you can simply order online.

For some reason, when love comes into our lives, it’s harder for us to grasp the true potential. We dismiss it. We see dating as something that is infinite and always replaceable: an endless pool of options that is constantly refilling and renewing.

We no longer understand that love is something that can show up imperfectly within our lives and grow into a strong foundation of support and longevity, if we allow it.

If you are one of the millions of people currently struggling to find love in this modern online dating world, here are a few suggestions that can help:

1. Give people a chance, even if you don’t necessarily feel that spark right away.

Refrain from being too harsh or judgmental in the beginning. Make an effort to see someone at least three times before making a decision. True connection isn’t always instantaneous, and a slow burn can be the most riveting kind of love in a relationship.

2. Stop looking for perfection.

This might be the most important thing you can do in modern dating. Our world has never been more focused on creating “perfection” (when it comes to our bodies, careers, and relationships). But seeking perfection will always keep you alone. Open yourself to the idea of loving someone’s deepest flaws and quirks. What appears imperfect might actually be golden.

3. Love yourself first.

Many of the problems we encounter in dating are actually just projections of the internal problems we are experiencing within our own selves. If you’re too hard on others, you’re likely too hard on yourself. If you always find something wrong with your dates, you’re likely very good at recognizing your own shortcomings. When you begin focusing on truly loving yourself, you’ll learn how to love others better.

Love is something you are given, a miracle of sorts, and it’s your job to recognize it when it appears for you.

It is also up to you to nurture it, build it, and take precious care of it.

Don’t run away the moment you see something you don’t like.

Let love be your guide, not fear.

With gratitude,

📚 #1 New York Times Bestselling Author
🎧 Host of the On Purpose Podcast
🙏 Former Monk

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