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Fall in love with being alone
Plus, Khloé Kardashian on how to forgive yourself and heal from past mistakes
Jay Shetty
May 08, 2025
“I feel so lonely and I don’t know how to make it stop.”
The answer is not out there. It’s within you. You’re perfectly complete all on your own.
Today, I’d like to discuss loneliness. We’ve all felt that way at one time or another.
According to a 2024 poll by the American Psychiatric Association, 30% of adults experience loneliness once a week, and 10% experience it every single day. Worse, over half of the respondents said they’re either as lonely or lonelier than they were during quarantine.
Everyone deserves love and community. But that love has to start with us, and so we need to reevaluate our attitude toward being alone.
It’s no wonder society struggles with loneliness. From a young age, we’re trained to believe we can’t be happy on our own. We pity the kid playing alone on the playground. As adults, we judge people who are single later in life.
We put such a priority on being surrounded by people that many of us compromise on the types of people we keep in contact with. So many of us would prefer a dysfunctional relationship to none at all.
But I think that’s backward. We can fall in love with being alone. And it begins with falling in love with yourself.
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Your Own Best Friend
One thing our society gets wrong about friendship is that we value quantity over quality. You don’t need a lot of friends to be happy in this life; you need depth in the relationships you do have.
Try This: Write down the three most important qualities you seek in a friend. This is going to look a little different for each of us—one person might value honesty, loyalty and availability. They prefer friends who are around no matter what. But someone else might prefer playfulness over availability or acceptance over honesty. There’s no wrong answer, as long as you’re being honest.
Now, looking at those three qualities, how many people in your life have all three of them?
For most of us, the answer is going to be pretty small. If you have two or three friends like this, that’s way more than the majority of us. Rather than finding more friends, I want you to think about how you can deepen these special relationships.
But even more importantly, I want to ask you: do you show these qualities to yourself? So many of us hate being alone because we’re not actually a good friend to ourselves. We’re mean. Judgmental. Impatient.
I want you to take a screenshot of this list of qualities right now and make it your phone background. That way, every time you look at your phone, it can remind you to treat yourself like your best friend.
When you love yourself that way, like a real friend—you’ll feel a lot different about being on your own.
This advice is for personal development and reflection, and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re struggling, consider reaching out to a licensed or medical professional.
#1 New York Times Bestselling Author
Host of the On Purpose Podcast
Creator of the Jay Shetty Certification School
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Community Challenge
Thinking of those three qualities that make a good friend, what is one way you can be that friend to yourself right now? Reply to this email and tell me what you’re going to do for yourself to be the friend you deserve. I can’t wait to read your responses, and I'll share a few of the ones that stand out.
Last week, I challenged you to tell me the three most essential things that got you where you are today on your growth journey. The responses were so inspiring!
Like so many of you who responded, reader Judith brought up the power of therapy. “Sometimes we need support. We don’t have to do it alone,” she wrote. Judith also listed asking herself questions, and one of my personal favorite practices—a morning routine. Judith took the words out of my mouth about the importance of a morning routine: “It just entirely changes how I feel.”
Reader Cathy kept it simple but powerful, saying, “Humility, personal strength and accepting the fact that no one is going to swoop in and save me!” Those are huge, Cathy. Keep being strong!
Reader Nico wrote, “The three most essential things that got me to where I am today are: 1) Support of family and friends; 2) My self-awareness to always be better every day; and 3) Honestly, your podcast.”
I’m so grateful that you have a support network, and it’s beautiful that you have self-awareness; thank you from the bottom of my heart for mentioning my podcast. It gives me so much strength to keep pushing forward, knowing people like you are learning and growing along with me.
Speaking of my podcast…
Now on ‘On Purpose’
After six years, I had the pleasure of speaking once again to the incredible Khloé Kardashian on Monday’s podcast episode. We chatted all about growth and what it means to evolve on your own terms. Khloé opened up to me about heartbreak, public judgment and self-doubt while discussing the defining moments of her 30s.
Khloé gets candid about the pressures of motherhood, relationships and success, and offers the routines, practices and skills that help keep her strong and mindful. If you’re navigating your own inner transformation and looking for inspiration on your journey to self-acceptance, Khloé’s story is essential. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Also on ‘On Purpose’: Do you ever get caught in a spiral of negative thoughts? Overthinking is one of the most persistent challenges modern people face on a daily basis. In this episode, I break down ancient wisdom from the Bhagavad Gita and old Buddhist teachings to help you finally stop spiraling and start releasing. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
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Reflect & Respond
What’s your relationship to alone time right now? |
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