I get this question a lot! With the holiday season firmly upon us, it’s got me thinking a lot about what we give to each other. Specifically to the ones we love.

First, studies in the last several years have demonstrated the impact that experiential gifts (things like trips, courses, or other experiences) have over material ones. They do more to improve relationships, and they invoke more intense emotional responses.

And that makes sense, right? What’s better than a beautiful shared experience with a loved one? Sure, that sweater you’ve been eyeballing or a piece of jewelry can be wonderful, but a romantic dinner or a shared getaway becomes a memory you carry for life.

One study surveyed romantic couples about their joint vacation experiences over a year. They asked about the frequency of travel, and the shared experiences they had. Then, they measured relationship satisfaction.

They found that more vacations didn’t predict better relationships. It was the quality and depth of shared experiences during the vacations that led to higher relationship satisfaction.

This distinction is wildly important. For one thing, vacations can be expensive. And second, you don’t need to be on vacation to have high-quality shared experiences.

Science agrees. It’s not about the money you spend, or how exotic the location is. The real questions are:

These are the kinds of things that foster engagement, presence, and shared memory. All foundations of a healthy relationship.

We think the big, shiny, lavish things are going to be what wins the hearts of the people we love. We want to buy the big expensive piece of jewelry. We want to make the grand gesture. I’m guilty of this, too.

But when we focus too much on being flashy, we miss the point of the gift in the first place. To bring you together.

So, this season I encourage you to try a different approach. Offer the ones you love a chance to do something meaningful with you. Create an experience, and then watch as their face lights up!

Throughout the year, we meet incredible partners who genuinely believe in the power of shared wisdom. Over the holiday season, we’re passing a little of that love back–starting with a few handpicked favorites from our Editor’s Choice selection.

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On Wednesday’s episode of my podcast I spoke with the leadership strategist Dr. Shadé Zahrai to talk all about what it takes to succeed. Shadé breaks down what it takes to overcome self-doubt, and find fulfillment in a world created for comparison and competition. She gives practical advice on how you can get through imposter syndrome and accept yourself today.

If you want to feel inspired, learn practical tools, and hear powerful stories, follow and listen to On Purpose on Amazon Music, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

This December, On Purpose is part of #PodsFightPoverty—podcasts teaming up to lift three villages in Rwanda out of extreme poverty. We’re doing it through GiveDirectly*, which sends cash straight to families so they can choose what they need most. Donate at GiveDirectly.org/onpurpose. First-time donors will have their impact boosted by 50% with matching funds from Giving Multiplier. Our goal is $1 million by year’s end—enough to lift 700 families out of poverty. Join us at GiveDirectly.org/onpurpose.

One of the biggest causes of anxiety during the holidays is money. How can we afford all the gifts, food, and festivities?

Try This: I want you to take a moment to write down as many experiences as you can that cost you nothing. Like going on a beautiful hike together. Or taking a trip to the beach.

How does it feel to begin shaping these into gifts? What does that look like in practise?