
Q: Hey Jay, I want to keep growing, but I’m scared it’ll turn me into someone I’m not. How do you grow without losing who you are?
Think about a seed. Like an acorn, or the pit of an avocado.
When you give that seed water, what happens to it?
Well, for a while, nothing, right? It just kinda sits there. Then a few days go by and it cracks ever so slightly. And then another day or so passes and you begin to see that little green root start to poke out. And the crack gets wider and wider, as the green root goes further and further in search of nutrients.
Eventually, the seed splits, revealing what’s been incubating inside: a stalk. At first the stalk is very thin and short. But as the days go by, the stalk grows taller and taller, in search of sunlight.
Meanwhile that little green root has started splitting off into smaller little roots. Before you know it, there’s an entire root system growing deeper and wider.
This is how growth works. It’s a slow, methodical transformation.
Yet so many of us, in the pursuit of our goals, try to be someone we’re not.
We see somebody else basking in the sunshine and try to copy them.
We put on their clothes.
We apply for their job.
We even try talking and acting like them.
But a seed wouldn’t.
A seed doesn’t rip itself out of the ground and hurl itself into the sun. It doesn’t become a towering tree in a single afternoon. It stays where it is and asks a much smaller question: What’s the next inch of growth that’s real for me, from here?
So if you’re thinking about finding a new relationship, don’t dive all in on the first person who shows you a little light. Date slowly.
If you’re excited to make a new recipe, you don’t have to order specialty ingredients from three countries away. Start with what’s already in your pantry.
If you’re curious about a new job or industry, you don’t have to quit everything and declare a whole new identity overnight. Try freelancing first. Platforms like Upwork can help you find projects that build up your resume.
Seeds grow by degrees, not declarations.
You don’t have to replace yourself to reach for more light. You just have to choose the next true step that fits the you that exists today—and trust that, inch by inch, that’s how you become someone you’re proud to grow into.
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If you were a tree, how would you describe yourself right now?
Today’s Wiser Choice
Think about the things you want in your life that you don’t currently have. Could be material. Could be characteristics. Could be relationships. Whatever it is inside that you’re yearning for.
Try This: Pick one thing you really want, that you truly believe would make a positive impact on your life satisfaction. What would it take for you to get it? What steps do you need to take in order to grow into that version of yourself?
For example, let’s say you want a romantic partner. In order to grow into the person who gets that you might say you need to work on your self-confidence. And to do that, you might say you will develop a gym routine. Make a goal of reading a book a month. Gain a new skill. And once you start feeling good about yourself, you might be ready to go out and date.
Reply to this email and tell me what you’re going to do to grow into that amazing version of yourself. I’m eager to hear what you’re up to!
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