Q: What do I do about people I just can’t stand?
Your boss that hovers over your shoulder and micromanages every little thing.
Your friend who just doesn’t know when to stop talking.
That coworker who chews loudly during your break.
People can be annoying. It’s true.
And today, I’m not really here to offer you a method to change their behavior (Spoiler alert: most of the time, you can’t). I’m here to offer you a method to change your own behavior.
In his semi-autobiographical book Memories, Dreams, Reflections, the pioneering psychologist Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Now, you may be thinking, “What about the guy who chews loudly in the cafeteria — what does he have to do with me?”
Believe it or not, that loud chewing doesn’t bother everyone the same way. What annoys us isn’t random. It’s personal. You might bristle at loud chewers, whistlers, or fast drivers, while someone else can’t stand slow eaters, off-key singers, or people who drive too slow.
One of the big lessons I learned this year is that the traits and habits we can’t stand in others often mirror the parts of ourselves we haven’t learned to accept yet.
That controlling boss? Maybe reflects your own fear of letting go.
That guy who talks too much? Maybe hits upon your fear of speaking up.
The loud chewer at the cafeteria? Might reflect a need for peace in other areas of your life..
People aren’t irritants. They’re mirrors.
Put another way, your triggers are your teachers.
When you feel jealous, let that jealousy remind you of what you really want.
When you feel angry, let that anger reveal your inner wounds.
When you feel defensive, let that defensiveness reveal what you’re scared of.
When you feel impatient, let that impatience expose your expectations.
When you feel sad, let that sadness illustrate your values.
Allow every reaction to be a revelation.
When you start to understand what these annoyances are trying to teach you, you can start to accept yourself – and others – with more grace.
What do you find most annoying in others?
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Why are so many men feeling lonely today? And how do we begin to rebuild real connection?
In this week’s episode, Radhi and I explore a growing truth that many are struggling to name: men are craving deeper friendships but often don’t know where to turn. We talk about why so many male friendships stay on the surface, how emotional expression is still seen as weakness, and what it really takes to create bonds that feel safe, honest, and nourishing. We share personal stories about the work it takes to maintain friendships, the courage required to be vulnerable, and how one meaningful conversation can shift everything. If you or someone you care about has ever felt alone in a crowded room, this one’s for you.
Wherever you’re listening from, I hope you hear something that stays with you. The full episode is available now.
Listen on
Today’s Wiser Choice
When someone pushes your buttons, take a breath. Instead of reacting, get curious. What’s it trying to show you?
Try this: Write down what bothered you. Maybe your friend ignored your idea and pushed her own instead. Or maybe a coworker took credit for something you did.
Then, go a little deeper. Why did it bother you? Saying “because it’s annoying” doesn’t quite get to the root. We’re looking for what’s underneath – the value or feeling that was touched.
You can use these sentence starters to guide you:
“This bothered me because I value…”
“I don’t like this behavior because it makes me feel…”
“If I did this to someone else, I would…”
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