Read time: 4 minutes.
This is your permission to pause and take a little time for yourself.

Most of us assume suffering is the result of something bad happening to us, and that peace is the result of something good happening to us (or the result of all the bad things going away).  

And of course, painful things do cause real pain, and great things can cause real happiness. No question. 

But the Buddha taught that this is only part of the picture, and that suffering can grow from clinging to either of those desires: life only giving us what we want or life protecting us from what we don’t.

Let me give you some examples.

We often cling to the idea that peace only comes when the promotion arrives, our body changes, or the relationship smooths out. (Then, when we get those good things, we become afraid of losing them: we want the success to last, the people we love never to change, and the happy season never to end.)

But clinging can also appear as a wish to keep difficult things away. We want to make sure we are never rejected again, never caught off guard, never heartbroken, hurt or uncomfortable.

Desire, in that sense, can pull us in both directions: towards what we hope will make us happy and away from what we fear will make us hurt. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting good things to happen or wishing painful things won’t, but the suffering deepens when those desires become demands our life has to meet.

So, my invitation to you today is this: hold your desires more gently—whatever you’re hoping for—so your peace does not depend entirely on whether life delivers.

Love,
Jay ❤️

In this episode, I explore why peace is not found by controlling life, but by loosening our attachment to how we think life should be. I share how expectations, identities, relationships, and outcomes can quietly disturb our peace — and how releasing our grip helps us meet life with greater steadiness.

Remember, I’m in your corner today, tomorrow, and anytime you need a little permission to believe that everything is going to work out.

Click here to share a brief note with me.