Read time: 5 minutes.
This is your permission to pause and take a little time for yourself.

But research suggests something else. 

Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas studied how adult bonds usually form. He uncovered something remarkable: it takes roughly 50 hours of shared time to move from an acquaintance to a casual friend, 90 hours to become a true friend, and over 200 hours to build a deep connection.

Those numbers confirm that friendship doesn’t come from a sudden extraordinary spark but rather an accumulation of many ordinary moments. We mistake a lack of repeated time for a lack of chemistry, assuming someone doesn't like us when we simply haven't crossed the 50-hour threshold yet.

When we were kids, our class time, after-school sports, and even neighbourhood playgrounds provided that time without a lot of effort. But, as adults, that built-in system vanishes. So, the next time you find yourself searching for instant chemistry, try picking one place to become a "regular" instead.

By repeatedly putting yourself in the same environment, you increase your proximity to the same people. Today, I invite you to stop waiting for a new friendship to just form. Instead, go somewhere different, be the first to start a conversation, or (when in doubt) return your attention to the friends that have been consistently showing up for years.

Love,
Jay ❤️

In this episode, I explore how loneliness doesn’t come from being surrounded by too few people, it comes from believing you have to wait for connection to find you. I also share five powerful mindset shifts to help you build meaningful friendships as an adult by overcoming the fear of rejection, letting go of imagined judgment, and embracing the courage to make the first move.

Remember, I’m in your corner today, tomorrow, and anytime you need a little permission to believe that everything is going to work out.