Q: Hi Jay! How do you share yourself so publicly online and still protect your privacy?
I think about this a lot actually.
Livestreaming on Instagram or Youtube.
Posting on TikTok.
Broadcasting your thoughts on LinkedIn.
We live in an age where visibility is the default. Where it feels like in order to participate in society, you have to “post your way through it.”
And while I believe that intentional social media use can be a fulfilling and helpful practice to build connection, privacy is also vital. Just because sharing on social media can be helpful doesn’t mean you have to share everything. And it also doesn’t mean you have to share all the time.
Choosing to keep parts of yourself private, or to go completely offline from time to time, can be a form of spiritual protection and mental freedom.
Let me explain.
In social psychology, there’s this term called The Hawthorne Effect. It refers to the phenomenon where people behave differently when they are being watched. While it’s not entirely clear how extreme the effect is or what conditions create it, there’s no question it exists.
Just think about how easily you can practice a skill when you’re on your own. Then a friend or colleague walks into the room and you freeze. Or you’re doing something really cool, you call your friends over to watch, and the moment they look, you suddenly can’t do it anymore.
Being watched can shape our behavior in both directions:
It can bring out our “better” selves. Research shows people litter less around strangers, are more likely to give to charity, and may be less likely to break rules when others are present.
It can also make it harder to think clearly. Being watched has been shown to weaken cognitive abilities like memory and attention. And there are practical risks to constant visibility: you might not want everyone online to know where you are, for example.
All of this points to something simple: we need moments when others see us, and moments when they don’t. And there are spiritual benefits to seclusion as well.
In Buddhism, retreat is essential for awakening. In Hinduism, tapasya (or austerity) requires privacy. When you keep parts of yourself private, you protect them.
At the beginning of a new project, it’s important to shield it from criticism at the risk of dampening motivation.
Sharing about a new relationship too early can put too much pressure on it.
Telling too many people about your struggles before you’ve processed them can lead to more pain.
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Do you consider yourself private?
On Purpose
On Monday’s episode of my podcast, I had the pleasure of speaking with the revered astrologer Chani Nicholas. She breaks the whole subject down elegantly and plainly, and explains how to use astrology to pause, reflect, and realign with the life you want to live.
Listen on
If you want to feel inspired, learn practical tools, and hear powerful stories, follow and listen to On Purpose on Amazon Music, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.
Today’s Wiser Choice
I’m sure you’ve been asked uncomfortable questions before. Today I want to focus on the boundary that keeps us from sharing things that we intended to keep private.
Try This: Think of something that’s personal to you. Maybe you went through a challenging breakup and you’re not ready to tell people about it. Or you had a personal failure that’s been hard to process, let alone talk about. Sometimes, we can feel overwhelmed when people ask us about it. One way to get around that is to practice how you’d respond to somebody before they ask you. That way, you already know what to say.
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